And that’s it…

It’s seems so funny… But maybe cos it seems unbelievable….
God does wonders I tell! From the previous post to this- hmmmmm 

No words. Oh well I’ll write when I’m ready I guess… May Gods will be done 

Even it’s not your time…
It’s not!!! 

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Systematic Flow

1,2,3…

2,4,6…

3,6,9… 

I used to believe in systematic flow. The flow of how this are meant to be in sequence. The idea  that things need to be in sequence to be factual. The truth that we must live in a systematic flow. 

We are born and raised by 2 loving parents, go through primary school, high school and end off with tertiary education. The idea that one should get a job after graduation find a partner and settler down. 

The notion that settling down equals marriage then children. 

I lived the systematic flow until my I was employed. I used to feel guilty of not doing things the right way. But who is to say the right way is the happy way. 

I have been blessed with my own sequence and flow of life. I have a loving partner, my Khutjo on the way and I am currently traditionally introduced to my partners family. 

I love my flow, for it gives me life. I am thankful for the sequence as it has raised me to be this wonderful woman, mother and wife. 

11,18,26,27 is my sequence and I am in love with my flow.  

Fi. Mal.5

Venting Calmness

I once had a job… A job I was good at, a job other people enjoyed but myself!!! 

A job that entailed me entertaining the masses while loosing a part of myself. I played entertainer most of the time in this job… I entertained them all but myself!

The job of venting… 

  
I used to vent about my problems. Share my storms, while getting wet alone. Those that I entertained often enjoyed the Sunshine after the storm. 

I have learnt the art of protection. Protecting ones territory, protecting ones mindset and protecting myself. I have learnt that by protecting yourself of a job that remunerates only others… You slowly gain wealth in other avenues.

People don’t really care… They just enjoy other people’s miseries. It becomes more compelling for others to enjoy your misery than their own. 

So I’ve come to learn the art of protection, and shielding myself off entertainment but rather arching my storms and sailing through them because Sunshine always prevails. 

You cannot share what is not shared to you. We are not all perfect… But now I prefer to share with those that share with me. If I don’t hear about your troubles I will just assume your good! 

While arching my storms and sailing towards my Sunlight! 

So now I live in my world of calmness…. AND

No thunder formed against ME shall struck my Growth!!  

Sunlight Constructed*** 09/2015

AS THE DAYS GO BY…

AS THE DAYS GO BY…

So its been long since I put words to a blank page and letting it out. So I saw it possible with all that’s been happening to just release some of the kept emotion.

It’s been a different set of months  and is yet to be an interesting year. A year full of joy, sadness but most importantly beautiful moments is yet to amaze. It’s tough to fully express what I am feeling but I shall take this as a challenge to myself.

This journey has really awakened my complexity, and its nowhere near simple. So I am taking this time to unleash and hopefully find the simplicity!

May the transformation lead me to Planned Euphoria, the gracious plans from God.

LEANO LA BOITUMELO… and so it shall begin

#newbegginings

7 DAYS

7 days

 

6 days , 5days, 4 days sometimes 3 days.  These are the days of mourning.

I am writing this in hope of understanding and ultimately changing my view on the stereotypical way of an African burial.  As Africans we are mostly governed by tradition and culture, and what tradition and culture stipulate we Africans follow. So I am on the quest to alleviate my anguish on my feelings towards the “week of mourning” .

Its Sunday Morning and Grandma passed on, the knowledge became known to us at 7am that morning when her tea was due. I stepped in the room holding her tray of tea and warm milk, as I lay the tray on the side table , I shouted at my mum “koko o robetse” meaning Grandma is still asleep.  Now with no expectation of what’s about to become a painful feeling, I call on my mum to wake my gran as I leave the room.

5 minutes was too long when I suddenly heard a wailing sound, my mother had just lost her mum. My grandma had passed. What a confusing feeling I had, Koko had been sick for months now, but last night was different. She seemed healthier, more rejuvenated like she was ready to take over the world, little did we know that she was saying her goodbyes the best way known to her.

Hours later the house started flowing with tears from family, friends and relatives. They came in numbers to show their heartfelt condolences to the family. Monday marked day 1. On this day the feeling was still numb, it was like a nightmare and we were ready to wake. But unfortunately it was real and we had to deal.  On Monday we woke in a house filled with relatives, but we had to be strong as arrangements were under way. And we needed to move house as we were in Pretoria South and we needed to relocate to Ramogodi  as the funeral would be based there. So on Tuesday the journey was underway as we made our way to my family’s home and  this marked day 2.

Day 3 saw a number of neighbors flowing in and families coming with 4 plus members to come and sit us through the pain. Ramogodi is a little village like place in Garankuwa, this was my mother’s place of birth and home to many of my relatives. Wednesday the consumption commenced as we have now moved from a family of 4 sharing a meal to an average of 20 people needing to be fed.

Day 4 saw a routine of consumption from every corner of the house, while this was underway the family arranged the funerals and all the logistics behind it. Every night from Wednesday saw us hosting a church evening service. Later that evening a family meeting was arranged to sort out costs and payments, needless to say people turned a blind eye to their consuming behaviors and the debt would be left with the direct family, the  post funeral.

My quest of understanding the circumstances of bereavement stems from the above. When a family member dies money is drew from accounts, the costs of the coffin, the funeral arrangements and so forth. Now I ask myself where does the money for during the week stem from??? The trees???

People are always so eager to come hug out the emotions with their families while they are being fed every night that week preceding the funeral. Family members are left using to their credit cards to make sure that people are well taken care of. With no care in the world what happens the family’s financial status when this is all over.

So I ask, so the compassion you receive supposed to be directly proportional to the cost incurred during that “compassionate week”??

By now its Friday which is day 5 and your credit card balance is at R 20 000 and all they can do is swipe away. Fair?? Compassionate??? Tradition??? African???

I think not, its now day 6 and on this Saturday we lay Koko to rest. The stories of her life are shared, tears, laughter, smiles, and more tears as the sweet memories are spoken. We recognize how loved she was and her contributions to the life of others. So honored to have known such a strong woman I think. We proceed to the cemetery and she is laid to rest. She is now at peace and resting. May God Bless her still.

Sunday comes and it’s like a dream gone by in a second. The families have dispersed with Tupperware filled with food to feed a school.  As the house gets empty It dawns at me that it has just begun, the pain, sorrow and sadness of her departure. It’s so surreal, we depart back to Pretoria and it is in this house where we shared her last memories where we break.

The 7 days which are meant to create a solid structure, proceeded to create an illusion of strength and the homecoming produced weaker souls in pursuit of healing. Needless to say I cannot change my feelings against a temporary illusion of comfort.

 

p.s this is subject to my own thoughts and mental wars.

Saying YES

When to say YES

Would you like to get married?

YES

Will you marry me???

Not yet!

Every woman wants to get married.  It’s almost every little girls dream to walk down the aisle.  White princess dress, stunning pearl white heels, 2 or 3 little girls hopping before you.  The idea of sharing giggles and champagne with your closest squad of about 9 girls stemming from childhood friends to varsity and work friends.  And finally witnessing the tears of the love of your life as you stride along the aisle with daddy on your arm.

While your thoughts scream in excitement… IVE MADE IT!! 23 and getting married!  IVE MADE IT

Sounds ecstatic don’t it

Reality check is, life doesn’t work the way we planned it at 19. The road of life includes potholes, we may get a puncher or 2 but the lesson is learning to slow down and enjoy a safe journey.

So now being 25, with an undergrad and a job in most people’s eyes would mean I’m ready for marriage.  I’m wise enough to know what marriage means, question is am I brave enough.  However I also wonder if I have to be. When do we know when we are ready?

Some were raised the westernised way, so the idea of marriage means white ball gown, saying I do, and your first dance with my man as a married woman, where only the two of you exist.

But no….

We need to take into account culture and tradition. Tradition and culture stipulate that a Makoti is to undergo a certain right of passage that will enrich her as a married woman. Being a South African means being accustomed to numerous cultures and to every culture there is a certain tradition to follow.

So being Makoti is the question!!

WILL YOU {…….}  TAKE […….]’S FAMILY  AS YOUR FAMILY, TO BUILD, GROW AND BE SELFLESS WITH YOUR TIME, FINANCIALS AND FUTURE. TO PUT THEM BEFORE YOUR OWN NEEDS, TO HAVE YOUR DIRECT FAMILY BUSINESS DISCUSSED WITH THE ELDERS, TO TAKE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS. AND TO FOLLOW CULTURE AND TRADITION WITHOUT QUESTIONS?

These are the vows that a young woman should think about. Marriage is more than just you and your husband. And as a 25 year old I should have the mental capacity to learn, grow and build my husband’s family, be selfless, and be able to build a well-respected cultural household.  I may love my man to the moon and back, but marriage comes with a different vision.

So I ask.

DO YOU {……} TAKE […….] TO BE YOUR FRIEND, LOVER , SOUL-MATE, FATHER OF YOUR KIDS, ACCEPT HIM AS HEAD OF THE PATERNAL FAMILY;( BREADWINNER OF HIS FAMILY, THE HERO OF ANY ISSUES AT HIS PARENTS HOME; YOUR MOTHER IN LAWS ONLY SON), TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND……

…….

Marriage is more than just I LOVE YOU. MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY

P.S the above text is subject to my own thoughts and opinion

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

The Dawn of Sunshine

Eyes wide awake in the midst of dawn. It’s not dark but there no light. Just grey sky filled with uncertainty, the uncertainty of not knowing what time brightness might spark but the surety that what’s made in His image will come to light.

I sit staring at the grey plague thinking of the purity that’s needed to lighten up the sky, all I’m certain of is my foundation. The foundation that is  created in God’s pure love. The foundation of self Love.

Am I that selfish I ask myself, to know that soon the sun will shine yet I’m dwelling in the greyness of darkness. Filing my emotions with darkness. Unnecessary darkness.

Time shines the beauty of life, despite that knowledge impatience creeps in and sits with me at dawn. Sitting imagining all things possible but forgetting the beauty of faith.

Greyness is a temporary place, decisions are made to either darken or brighten. We were not made in the image to stay dull as our spirit shines from within.

Forget not that it’s okay to be grey but greatness exists within sunshine. So blink my child and take a deep breathe as it is now morning. And Joy Comes in the  morning. 

#emoitions #selflove #decide #choices #joy